Updates

ego death

My life’s turned pretty upside down the past few years. Hard to know what all to say about it. I’ve never loved posting about my personal life, but I want to share some of my story for anyone who’s gone/going through something similar because it’s often been a lonely road.

I’ve spent a lot of my life projecting different false selves out for other people to see. Not like I was intentionally trying to fool people, at least most of the time. But I was trying to be some idealized self that wasn’t really me because I guess I believed that’s who I had to be to get love and acceptance.

Where I grew up, there’s a lot of pressure to conform to a very narrow way of behaving/believing. There’s a lot of praise when someone pulls it off and a lot of shame when they don’t. If you fall short, it’s easier to lie than deal with the consequences. That experience worked a pattern of deceit and self righteousness into how I saw the world, which can feel ok in the short term but eventually catches up to you.

It’s a really bad time when it catches up to you.

It felt hopeless a lot of the time, but the process of letting go of self image and being real has freed me. I’m finally starting to accept myself as I am, letting go of the self-hate and judgment. It’s a true cliche that you can’t give or get love from others if you don’t love yourself.

If you’re struggling with that, I hope you know you’re not alone. It sucks to be caught in that loop of shame and judgment, especially in our world where it’s easy for us to broadcast a perfect life for people to see. For me, the work of letting that stuff go is worth it. I’ve found (I think you will too) that when you love, forgive, accept yourself, you can do the same to others. It’s a better way to be.

This is going on forever but excited to share this journey with you and show the art that’s come out of it. If you want to follow along, go to https://everybodyissomebody.com/updates.